Blog | Take My Hand At Home

Help! I have questions about caring for an aging parent.

May 6, 2020 By Take My Hand

As we’ve mentioned before in previous TMH Client Profiles, at Take My Hand At-Home Care we hear often from adults who are wondering when and how to decide that mom or dad needs a higher level of personal care and attention.

These certainly are not easy decisions to make, and every situation is different. But read on for an example situation that may include elements of what you’re going through. Perhaps it will help you make those important decisions.

Mom is still pretty active. She lives nearby, so sometimes I accompany her to doctor visits in Bellingham or take her shopping, but she typically can do those things just fine on her own.

The other day, when we were working in her garden, she mentioned that she loves her home — she’s lived in the same home in Lynden for 50 years, after all — and doesn’t want to leave. When she eventually needs care, she said, she wants to stay at home. She doesn’t want to be moved to a long-term care center or assisted living facility; she’d rather just stay right at home.

The problem is that I’m not able to spend the time caring for her that probably would be required. I have a family of my own to care for, and I have to go to work every day, too. How can I meet mom’s desires to stay home while also being sure that she’s taken care of? Sometimes it keeps me up at night.

This is a common concern. Adults in the sandwich generation — those who are sandwiched between caring for aging parents and caring for their own young children — often find themselves having to make difficult decisions about how to spend their time and money. Do I sacrifice my family time to spend evenings and weekends caring for mom? Do I dip into our family savings to pay for upgrades to mom’s home so she can age in place? How do I even know when mom is ready for extra assistance around the home?

No single solution is a perfect fit for every family here in Whatcom County. However, there are some good options for adult children in situations like this to consider:

Set up a consultation with a home care provider to discuss your situation. A trained provider with experience in at-home care situations can take a look at your loved one’s situations and offer personalized advice. Take My Hand offers complimentary in-home assessments for folks in Lynden, Ferndale, Bellingham and throughout Whatcom County.
Ask an at-home care provider for part-time shifts to cover basic needs. This would help your mom or dad get used to the idea of having people other than family members in the home. Plus, part-time home care would help set a baseline for the care needed. At-home care situations can be new for everyone, and starting off slowly is often a good idea.
Caregivers like us are fond of saying that the best caregivers are those who are able to care for themselves and meet their own needs. Honestly, that’s critically important. If you, as a family caregiver, are constantly giving and never receiving, you’re going to run your own batteries so low that you won’t be able to help anyone. Please know that your family — spouse, kids, yourself — needs and deserves your attention, so don’t feel guilty if you can’t be with your aging parent as much as they might like.
Independence and self-sufficiency are good things for older adults. We try to keep them from becoming reliant on outside help too early; if they can do something for themselves, let them and encourage them! Of course, pay close attention to signs that they might need extra help — increasing bouts of forgetfulness, difficulty getting around, declining eyesight, lack of ability to process and understand doctors’ orders, etc. — and step in when necessary, but don’t feel obligated to help just because your parents are getting older.
Now is a great time to start considering payment options for long-term care. You never know what you might need in the future, and how much it might cost. Consider your family financial situation and the amount of money mom and dad have saved up and start investigating options that might work for you. Long-term care insurance can be a good choice, as can Medicare and private-pay options.

If you’d like to have a discussion about any of these aspects of eldercare in Whatcom County, please feel free to give us a call or send an email.

Providing care to elders at home during COVID-19

March 27, 2020 By Take My Hand

Dear clients, family members and loved ones,

During this time of distancing, we at Take My Hand At-Home Care wanted to let you know that you’re on our minds, even if we’re not able to see some of you in person right now.

We are still caring for our wonderful clients in their own homes, of course, and it’s to that end that we wanted to share important information about limiting the spread of COVID-19 in our vulnerable communities.

Everyone has a part to play in managing public health threats such as this one. Older populations are particularly at risk from this new coronavirus — and from many other viruses as well.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, older adults and people who have severe chronic medical conditions such as heart, lung or kidney disease appear to be at higher risk for more serious COVID-19 illness.

That is why Take My Hand has outfitted all of our caregivers with gloves and masks to wear while they are providing care. We also are carefully monitoring staff for potential signs of illness and ensuring that those who are feeling sick are staying home.

When TMH representatives drop off supplies for clients and caregivers, we are leaving them at the door to minimize physical proximity.

Take My Hand caregivers continue to work as hard as possible to meet all client needs in light of the current healthcare crisis, which is affecting everyone not only here in Whatcom County but around the world.

We ask that you continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we fight the spread of this disease together. If you would like to help in other ways, too, we would appreciate donations of thermometers, gloves and masks. If you would like to make a donation, please reach out to us at 360-543-5777 or sue@takemyhandathome.com. Thank you so much!

In light of the ongoing COVID-19 situation, here are some things you can do to connect with your loved ones even during times of physical isolation:

Conduct video chats. For those who are familiar with the technology, a face-to-face video chat via FaceTime, Hangouts or Facebook could be a wonderful way to stay connected. You could share a virtual meal, hold an online book club or play a game together. Think outside the box!
Make phone calls. Consider setting up a schedule in which various family members are assigned certain days or times to pick up the phone and call elderly loved ones. These moments can be precious personal times that everyone is able to look forward to.
Have packages delivered. During the current “stay at home” order in Washington state, online ordering is still an option. Consider having packages of gifts or home essentials delivered via Amazon or some other service.
Visit through the window. As long as you are observing social distancing guidelines, it’s still OK to go outside. Consider dropping by your loved one’s house and visiting through the window. Maybe tape a note or photo to the outside of a window for your loved one to read. Sing a treasured song or hymn, play a musical instrument, juggle… there are so many possibilities!

Thank you for trusting Take My Hand At-Home Care with your needs! It is an honor to serve you. We will get through this together if we all continue to do our part.

Moving? Consider holding a downsizing party

March 4, 2020 By Take My Hand

Elderly people poring over tables full of odds and ends.

Living in a place for any length of time inevitably means accumulating stuff. It happens to the best of us. Dishes, travel mementos, linens and furniture — over time, it builds up.

In addition to the items we use daily, we also have a bunch of other possessions in our Whatcom County homes that, for whatever reason, we’ve never been able to part with. According to Psychology Today, the reasons we collect and keep things fall into the following categories:

We are keeping replacement parts in case an item breaks.
We are collectors of things.
We think that the items we have are worth money — or will be someday.
The items have sentimental value because they evoke positive memories.
We claim that some items have a useful purpose or will in the future, even if they don’t right now.
We find that it takes too much time and effort to decide what to get rid of.

That last point is key: When it comes time to move, how do we decide what to keep from among all that we’ve collected, and how do we part with the rest?

Here are three steps to follow:

Take time

First, it’s important to give ourselves time and space to make these decisions. It’s best not to wait until the last minute. After all, how to dispense of the items we’ve collected over the years can be among the last things on our minds when we’re having to make the difficult and emotion-laden decision to move.

Determine what we need and have space for

Second, we need to determine how much we can (and should) bring with us. Whether we’re moving into a smaller home in Bellingham, transitioning to assisted living in Lynden or taking up residence in a mother-in-law apartment on our kids’ property in Ferndale, we’re naturally going to need and/or have space for fewer possessions. Based on the specific place of residence, we need to spend the time necessary to decide what we truly need and what space we might have for a few mementos.

Throw a downsizing party

Third, we need to find a way to part with all of the items we have left over. It sounds difficult, but honestly, this can be the most fun part of the process!

We can turn the act of parting with our stuff into an enjoyable experience by throwing a downsizing party. This article in The Washington Post offers a great example.

The fun of a downsizing party is that we can experience the joy of giving to others as part of paring our possessions into a manageable pile. Members of our church, grandkids and their friends, neighbors, friends — all would be able to take something with them that they need and that makes them think of us. What fun! We can share some of what has meant so much to us over the years, and our friends and family can have useful items to remember us by.

The idea is simple: After storing all of the items we’ll be bringing with us to our new home, we invite friends and family over for a party – to eat, talk and look over items around the house. What people want, they take! In the end, our friends get new items for their homes that they need, and we get to pare down our stuff, allowing us to move in peace.

How to help widowers connect with others and find new purpose in life

February 12, 2020 By Take My Hand

Imagine one day losing the spouse you’ve had for decades.

Having lived with the same person for most of your life, the loss would be phenomenal. Not only would you lose the love of your life, you’d also need to start doing everything on your own — cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, visiting the doctor… the list goes on.

Elderly man in a jacket sitting and looking at the camera

You’d also lose a social connection and a major reason to stay involved with others in your community. Without your spouse at your side, you’d be less likely to attend events, go out for meals and travel.

Here at Take My Hand At-Home Care, we have come across numerous situations just like this. Losing a spouse later in life happens quite frequently to senior citizens in the Whatcom County community.

Not only must widows or widowers deal with the loss of a loved one, but they also must cope with major lifestyle changes. They lose the person with whom they used to watch TV or go on walks. They lose the person who used to remind them to take their medications; they lose the person who used to help them plan fun things to do. They lose their social connections.

These are all real consequences of losing a long-time partner, and the effects can be drastic.

Loneliness after the death of a spouse

According to the National Institute on Aging, social isolation and loneliness are linked to increased risks for high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease and even death.

“Losing a sense of connection and community changes a person’s perception of the world,” according to the NIA. And it’s not just perception. Biological defense mechanisms are activated in those who experience chronic loneliness because they feel threatened and mistrustful.

While older women are more likely than men to report being lonely, the effects of loneliness can be more drastic in older men, who are more likely than women to be depressed and suicidal when lonely, according to a recent study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health.

How to help people stay connected to life after loss

What can change someone’s outlook after loss?

Being social provides an enormous benefit, as does having another person around to provide support and motivation or to offer assistance with daily tasks of living. In particular, men benefit from having purpose in life, according to the AJMH study, which notes that improvements in mental health and purpose in life can help reduce loneliness — and thus reduce many of its negative consequences — in older men.

Elderly man taking photos outdoors, with mountains in the background

Pursuing hobbies and other passions is one great option for combating the consequences of loneliness. Joining a senior center, too, can help the elderly make new friends and find new hobbies. Those who have experienced recent loss might also benefit from having their family and friends take them to activities and events, or even just pick up the phone and invite them to dinner.

Mindfulness meditation: What it is, and how it can help the elderly

January 7, 2020 By Take My Hand

Have you ever considered meditation as a way to improve aspects of your health?

There are many reasons why older adults in Bellingham, Lynden or throughout Whatcom County might want to start practicing meditation. Meditation can enhance memory, slow cognitive decline, improve digestion, boost circulation, reduce stress, lower disease risk and even decrease loneliness.

At its core, meditation is a way to calm the mind and body. There are various styles of meditation, but most involve either concentration, mindfulness or both. Concentration meditation is that classic example in which we focus our minds on a single, specific thing — a sound (perhaps the ringing of a bell), an image (perhaps a flickering candle flame), an action (perhaps the repetition of a specific word) or some other focal point.

Mindfulness meditation, on the other hand, is the practice of being mindful of thoughts as they occur. Essentially, it is attentive awareness of the moment. To practice this form of meditation, we simply sit, relax and pay attention to the thoughts we have, trying not to react to them but just to observe. For a brief explanation of mindfulness meditation and how it can integrate with everyday life, watch this short video from the Western Washington University Counseling Center in Bellingham.

Let’s take a look in more detail at some of the ways that mindfulness meditation can improve the lives of older adults here in Whatcom County:

Less stress and worry: According to Bob Linscott from the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, meditation can help older adults tamp down worries associated with growing older. “Meditation is like a pause button that breaks the cycle of worry,” he said in an article in NextAvenue. “It can help older adults better accept their changing bodies or chronic pain. It puts them more in control of their lives.”
Cognitive improvements: According to research published in the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, “meditation may be able to offset normal age‐related cognitive decline or even enhance cognitive function in older adults.” The research noted preliminary improvements in attention, memory, executive function, processing speed and general cognition as a result of meditation practices.
Digestion enhancements: The calm, deep breathing associated with meditation boosts circulation and increases the oxygen content of the blood, both of which are important factors for digestion. What’s more, meditation can have the long-term effect of improving our mindsets, limiting the likelihood that we will overeat.
Decreased loneliness: A study from Carnegie Mellon University that tested older adults over an eight-week period showed that participants reported lower levels of loneliness after just 30 minutes of mindfulness meditation each day, in addition to a daylong retreat and weekly two-hour meetings. “We know that loneliness is a major risk factor for health problems and mortality in older adults,” said one of the researchers involved in the study. “This research suggests that mindfulness meditation training is a promising intervention for improving the health of older adults.”

If you’re interested in getting started with mindfulness meditation in Bellingham, Lynden, Ferndale or elsewhere in Whatcom County, there are several professional services in the area that offer courses and training in meditation, including Mindfulness Northwest, Bellingham Insight and Red Cedar Zen Community.

Help! I have questions about caring for an aging parent.

Providing care to elders at home during COVID-19

Moving? Consider holding a downsizing party

Mindfulness meditation: What it is, and how it can help the elderly

ADUs can be part of cost-effective option for eldercare

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