As we’ve mentioned before in previous TMH Client Profiles, at Take My Hand At-Home Care we hear often from adults who are wondering when and how to decide that mom or dad needs a higher level of personal care and attention.

These certainly are not easy decisions to make, and every situation is different. But read on for an example situation that may include elements of what you’re going through. Perhaps it will help you make those important decisions.

Mom is still pretty active. She lives nearby, so sometimes I accompany her to doctor visits in Bellingham or take her shopping, but she typically can do those things just fine on her own.

The other day, when we were working in her garden, she mentioned that she loves her home — she’s lived in the same home in Lynden for 50 years, after all — and doesn’t want to leave. When she eventually needs care, she said, she wants to stay at home. She doesn’t want to be moved to a long-term care center or assisted living facility; she’d rather just stay right at home.

The problem is that I’m not able to spend the time caring for her that probably would be required. I have a family of my own to care for, and I have to go to work every day, too. How can I meet mom’s desires to stay home while also being sure that she’s taken care of? Sometimes it keeps me up at night.

This is a common concern. Adults in the sandwich generation — those who are sandwiched between caring for aging parents and caring for their own young children — often find themselves having to make difficult decisions about how to spend their time and money. Do I sacrifice my family time to spend evenings and weekends caring for mom? Do I dip into our family savings to pay for upgrades to mom’s home so she can age in place? How do I even know when mom is ready for extra assistance around the home?

No single solution is a perfect fit for every family here in Whatcom County. However, there are some good options for adult children in situations like this to consider:

• Set up a consultation with a home care provider to discuss your situation. A trained provider with experience in at-home care situations can take a look at your loved one’s situations and offer personalized advice. Take My Hand offers complimentary in-home assessments for folks in Lynden, Ferndale, Bellingham and throughout Whatcom County.
• Ask an at-home care provider for part-time shifts to cover basic needs. This would help your mom or dad get used to the idea of having people other than family members in the home. Plus, part-time home care would help set a baseline for the care needed. At-home care situations can be new for everyone, and starting off slowly is often a good idea.
• Caregivers like us are fond of saying that the best caregivers are those who are able to care for themselves and meet their own needs. Honestly, that’s critically important. If you, as a family caregiver, are constantly giving and never receiving, you’re going to run your own batteries so low that you won’t be able to help anyone. Please know that your family — spouse, kids, yourself — needs and deserves your attention, so don’t feel guilty if you can’t be with your aging parent as much as they might like.
• Independence and self-sufficiency are good things for older adults. We try to keep them from becoming reliant on outside help too early; if they can do something for themselves, let them and encourage them! Of course, pay close attention to signs that they might need extra help — increasing bouts of forgetfulness, difficulty getting around, declining eyesight, lack of ability to process and understand doctors’ orders, etc. — and step in when necessary, but don’t feel obligated to help just because your parents are getting older.
• Now is a great time to start considering payment options for long-term care. You never know what you might need in the future, and how much it might cost. Consider your family financial situation and the amount of money mom and dad have saved up and start investigating options that might work for you. Long-term care insurance can be a good choice, as can Medicare and private-pay options.

If you’d like to have a discussion about any of these aspects of eldercare in Whatcom County, please feel free to give us a call or send an email.

We often hear from concerned sons and daughters that their parents might be ready for some at-home assistance, but they’re not sure. Sometimes the kids are hesitant to suggest the idea to parents, and sometimes parents aren’t keen on accepting care.

It can be hard to know when is the right time to suggest care. To offer some assistance, consider this sample profile of a TMH client. Not every client will look like this, certainly, but this is one good example of the type of people who can benefit from at-home care.

Mom and dad are both in their 80s, living in a small, one-floor home in Birch Bay. They have two children, but neither lives close enough to provide regular assistance. The daughter lives in Seattle, and the son lives in Sedro-Woolley. Both of them are married with children, and their days are full and busy.

Dad still drives, which has been helpful for making the extra doctor’s appointments lately that have arisen from mom’s advancing dementia. He has gotten into a couple minor fender-benders in the last couple of months, though, and that’s beginning to be a worrisome trend. Some family members have questioned whether dad should still be driving. He already has stopped driving at night, because it can be so hard to see, and that has placed a few limitations on he and mom. For example, they don’t go out to bingo nights or dance events at the senior center any more, and those used to be beloved hobbies.

Even without going to dances, the couple is still pretty active. They try to walk every day. Dad had a fall last week, though — slipped on a stray magazine in the living room — and that left him with some painful bruises on his right hip. Nothing is broken, thankfully, but the experience reminded him that getting around isn’t as easy as it used to be.

There’s a small grocery store about four blocks from their house, but they’re not walking there as much anymore, and even less so with dad’s fall. They could probably use a few groceries to stock up the fridge and pantry.

This couple is the perfect candidate for two or three half-day shifts per week. They’re pretty active and healthy, and they’re far from needing 24-hour care. However, they would really benefit from assistance getting to the doctor’s office and help with the weekly grocery shopping. They could use someone to tidy up the house once a week and ensure that everything is in its proper place. They could also use some help communicating with doctors and ensuring that medicines are taken on time, and it would be good to have someone around to monitor mom. (Her dementia isn’t far along, but it would be good to have someone checking in on her now and again and looking at how it’s affecting dad, too.)

The 12-hour shifts would take a lot of pressure off of dad and would allow the couple to relax a bit, worrying less about the details and spending more time enjoying each other’s company.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, perhaps your mom or dad — or someone else in your life — could benefit from having a licensed caregiver helping out on half-day shifts. Just give us a call and we can talk about your options.