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When you’re healthy but your spouse isn’t, here’s how to cope

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According to the Centers for Disease Control, 60 percent of Americans live with a chronic disease, such as heart disease, cancer, stroke or diabetes.

Given those percentages, there inevitably are a great many “well spouses” who are caring for a sick person daily.

When you’re the spouse who isn’t ill, how do you cope with the challenges while protecting your own health? Providing care for a spouse can be difficult, but it can be done, and done well. Here are some actions that can help:

Get educated. Caring for a sick spouse starts with making sure you know what you can about your loved one’s disease. “Well spouses cope better when they, like their partners, have accurate, firsthand information about their mate’s condition, treatment and needs,” says Johns Hopkins Medicine. A good place to start is the Northwest Regional Council, which through its Family Caregiver Support Program has many educational resources available, including a collection of loanable library resources and informational booklets on Alzheimer’s and dementia, depression and caring for the caregiver.

Get help. You don’t need to do it alone. Providing loving, compassionate care for a spouse 24/7 takes a lot out of you. Take time for yourself to do the things you enjoy: walking the dog, shopping, reading a book, relaxing. “If someone wants to be there for their loved one, it’s not selfish to ask for help,” says Lynette Whiteman, who runs a caregiver volunteer agency, in a story from A Place for Mom about caregiver health. “By getting help, they’re helping their loved one.” Options for support include reaching out to Northwest Regional Council’s Family Caregiver Support Program or hiring occasional help to care for your loved one, such as the services we provide here at Take My Hand At-Home Care. From half-day respite shifts to 24-hour care, we provide family caregivers the support they need.

Take comfort from others. Next Avenue conducted a series of interviews with adults whose spouses have a chronic illness, and the advice those people shared is tender, touching and helpful. Consider this, from a man who took care of his wife for a dozen years while she was in a wheelchair: “I am grateful for the time we had and the help I had from all of the health care professionals over those years. I learned from her and from them how very precious life is.” Next Avenue’s report, titled “When One Spouse Is Healthy and the Other Isn’t,” is worth a read. You also might check out a local support group for caregivers or an online forum (such as this one at Caregiver Action Network) where you can vent your frustrations, ask for advice and learn from the experience of others.

If you’re in Whatcom County and caring for a sick spouse or loved one and would like to learn more about the benefits of having part-time care in the home, please reach out to us at Take My Hand At-Home Care here in Lynden. We provide support all over the region, from Blaine to Bellingham, and we’d love to talk about your needs.

Is your mom or dad ready for care? A TMH client profile

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We often hear from concerned sons and daughters that their parents might be ready for some at-home assistance, but they’re not sure. Sometimes the kids are hesitant to suggest the idea to parents, and sometimes parents aren’t keen on accepting care.

It can be hard to know when is the right time to suggest care. To offer some assistance, consider this sample profile of a TMH client. Not every client will look like this, certainly, but this is one good example of the type of people who can benefit from at-home care.

Mom and dad are both in their 80s, living in a small, one-floor home in Birch Bay. They have two children, but neither lives close enough to provide regular assistance. The daughter lives in Seattle, and the son lives in Sedro-Woolley. Both of them are married with children, and their days are full and busy.

Dad still drives, which has been helpful for making the extra doctor’s appointments lately that have arisen from mom’s advancing dementia. He has gotten into a couple minor fender-benders in the last couple of months, though, and that’s beginning to be a worrisome trend. Some family members have questioned whether dad should still be driving. He already has stopped driving at night, because it can be so hard to see, and that has placed a few limitations on he and mom. For example, they don’t go out to bingo nights or dance events at the senior center any more, and those used to be beloved hobbies.

Even without going to dances, the couple is still pretty active. They try to walk every day. Dad had a fall last week, though — slipped on a stray magazine in the living room — and that left him with some painful bruises on his right hip. Nothing is broken, thankfully, but the experience reminded him that getting around isn’t as easy as it used to be.

There’s a small grocery store about four blocks from their house, but they’re not walking there as much anymore, and even less so with dad’s fall. They could probably use a few groceries to stock up the fridge and pantry.

This couple is the perfect candidate for two or three half-day shifts per week. They’re pretty active and healthy, and they’re far from needing 24-hour care. However, they would really benefit from assistance getting to the doctor’s office and help with the weekly grocery shopping. They could use someone to tidy up the house once a week and ensure that everything is in its proper place. They could also use some help communicating with doctors and ensuring that medicines are taken on time, and it would be good to have someone around to monitor mom. (Her dementia isn’t far along, but it would be good to have someone checking in on her now and again and looking at how it’s affecting dad, too.)

The 12-hour shifts would take a lot of pressure off of dad and would allow the couple to relax a bit, worrying less about the details and spending more time enjoying each other’s company.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, perhaps your mom or dad — or someone else in your life — could benefit from having a licensed caregiver helping out on half-day shifts. Just give us a call and we can talk about your options.

Important documents to set up with an elderly loved one

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As our loved ones advance in age or dementia, it becomes increasingly important to establish procedures that will make dealing with health or medical issues much easier in the future.

A person in a blue Oxford shirt signs a document.
There are four types of documents to consider creating for aging parents, grandparents and other loved ones: advance directives, physician orders for life-sustaining treatment, standard wills and living trusts.

In particular, there are four types of documents to consider creating for aging parents, grandparents and other loved ones: advance directives, physician orders for life-sustaining treatment, standard wills and living trusts.

Advance Directive: An advance directive is a legal document that provides guidance about what types of treatments your loved one may want to receive in the event of a medical emergency, and who they would like to make decisions on their behalf regarding medical treatment. This person is called a surrogate.

NOTE: Depending on where your loved one lives, an advance directive might instead be called a living will, health care power of attorney or something else.

Every adult should have an advance directive in place so that if something happens, the surrogate can ensure that the patient’s wishes are respected and carried out.

In Washington state, care providers like Take My Hand At-Home Care are required to ask whether patients have an advance directive.

NOTE: As with the rest of the documents on this list, it’s important to put an advance directive in a place where it can easily be found. Make sure your surrogate knows where it is, and have it added to your medical record, if possible.

Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment: This is another document we’re required to ask about at Take My Hand At-Home Care. Physician orders for life-sustaining treatment (POLST) forms are specific to each individual. In the event that your loved one has a medical emergency, this form describes the specific medical treatments he or she would like to receive. While all adults should have an advance directive, a POLST form only becomes necessary upon diagnosis of a serious illness or when health begins to deteriorate near the end of life.

NOTE: While an advance directive is a legal document, a POLST is a medical order. Only an advance directive can legally designate a surrogate to make healthcare decisions on behalf of a loved one.

A will sets out instructions for how assets should be distributed in the event of death.

Standard will: A will sets out instructions for how your parents or grandparents would like their assets distributed in the event of death. The will also designates the person who will be in charge of that. It’s a good idea to establish a will as soon as possible and then to review it once a year to ensure that it’s an accurate reflection of your loved one’s wishes. When a person dies with a will in place, the person’s estate goes through probate court to, among other things, determine the will’s validity, total up the assets and distribute those assets according to the will’s instructions. Without a will in place, that process gets a lot more complicated.

Living trust: A living trust places a person’s assets into a separate entity that allows for the avoidance of probate court. It explains who will manage that entity upon your loved one’s death and who will distribute its assets — and to whom and how much. A living trust can be more expensive to prepare than a standard will, but it can save the costs associated with probate court.

If you have any questions about what documents might be necessary in your family’s case, consult an attorney who specializes in elder law. There are a number of options in Bellingham, Lynden and throughout Whatcom County for lawyers who specialize in situations regarding the elderly.

Activities to support brain health and memory in seniors

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Stimulating social and mental activities can help keep brains sharp, improve memory and help with daily life skills. They can also be an enjoyable and fun way to spend time with the beloved elders in your life.

Two older men play a game of chess at an outdoor table.The following seven activities can help support brain health and memory while providing companionship, conversation and pure simple fun:

  1. My father works in the grocery store. This is a delightful guessing game that works for two players or a group. The first person thinks of an item sold in a grocery store and says, “My father works in the grocery store and the product he sells begins with the letter P.” (This letter is the first letter of whatever the product is. In this case the answer is pomegranate.) The other player(s) ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, such as: Is it in the produce section? Is it edible? Is it green? The game continues with questions leading to guesses of what the product is until someone gets the right answer. Then the winner thinks of the next item and the game begins again.
  2. Shopping list game. In this memory game one person begins with, “I went to the store and bought some fish.” The next person repeats the line and continues by adding an item, “I went to the store and bought some fish and some rice.” With each turn the list grows and the game continues until no one can remember all of the items. Everyone may experience some good laughs with this game.
  3. Name two words for each letter in your first name. A simple version is to come up with any two words, or the focus can change to qualities, or objects.
    For example: MARY
    Marvelous, merciful
    Artistic, adventurous
    You get the idea. This can be creative and loads of fun.
  4. Trivia games. Choose topics that are of special interest to your elder such as music, art, history, sports or geography. Trivia games are wonderfully stimulating to the minds of older people.
  5. Learn a new language together and practice using the newly learned words. You can keep it simple with just a few words or phrases such as “Hello,” “Good evening,” “How are you?” in French or Spanish or any language of interest. Enjoy using these words and phrases in simple conversation, then learn more as it feels comfortable and manageable.
  6. Closeup of a pile of jigsaw puzzle pieces.Jigsaw puzzles can be stimulating to the mind and also provide a calm and comforting companionship as you work on them together. This activity can help quiet the mind, which may be especially helpful for seniors with busy minds.
  7. Try the serving tray game to enhance short term memory. This game is great for visual folks. Place a selection of different objects from around the house on a tray. Let those who are playing have a look, then cover up the objects with a cloth. Then ask the seniors playing to recall what items they remember.

There are many possibilities for games to play with elders that may also have beneficial results. Some that are more familiar include bingo, chess, card games, Sudoku, logic puzzles, online interactive games, and also arts and crafts projects. Find out what your loved one enjoys and build from there.

The National Institute on Aging offers a helpful article on Cognitive Health and Older Adults. It gives tips on the following steps that help elders with day-to-day functioning and independence. These steps have been linked to cognitive health, as well.

  • Take care of your health
  • Eat healthy foods
  • Be physically active
  • Keep your mind active
  • Stay connected

Engaging companionship with someone who cares can provide many benefits for elders. To learn more about home companion services by licensed caregivers, contact Take My Hand At-Home Care, which provides elder care for senior citizens in the following communities: Lynden, Bellingham, Ferndale, Blaine, Everson, Nooksack, Sumas and Birch Bay.

Tips for managing sundown syndrome

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Late afternoon and early evening can be an especially challenging time for seniors with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. The confusion, restlessness, and irritability that can occur at this time of day is known as sundown syndrome. It can continue into the night, making it difficult for your dad to fall asleep and stay in bed, which is hard on him and on his wife or family caregiver.

If you’ve noticed your parent or spouse is experiencing symptoms of declining memory, it’s important to be with them in the late afternoon and early evening to see if they are having sundowner symptoms, are increasingly agitated, suspicious and even pacing and yelling. They may need some additional care, someone to be with them to help during that difficult time.

Tips to help manage sundowning

During the day:

  • Provide a regular routine, with activities and appointments earlier in the day.
  • Daily exercise also can be helpful, along with time outside or by a window in bright daylight.
  • If your loved one needs a nap, make sure that it’s not too long and that it ends at least four hours before bedtime.

In the late afternoon and evenings:

  • Stay calm and reassure your dad that everything is okay. Ask if he needs anything.
  • Keep the area quiet and pleasant, with soothing music, and make sure the temperature is comfortable.
  • Try reading, playing cards or going for a walk.
  • Turn on lights and close the curtains or blinds to avoid shadows and the confusion they may cause.
  • Make sure living areas are safe, with locks on doors and windows and with dangerous items such as kitchen utensils put away.

Closing the blinds near sunset can help mitigate confusion caused by long shadows.

All of us feel better and can function more easily when we sleep well. Helping your loved one avoid caffeine and alcohol, sweets, and a large meal late in the day can help with getting a good night’s sleep.

The National Institute on Aging recommends seeking medical advice if sundowning continues to be a problem. An exam by a doctor may identify a cause contributing to sundowning, such as pain, illness, a medication side effect or a sleep disorder.

Hope for the future — finding effective treatments and searching for a cure

The Alzheimer’s Association is a valuable resource for up-to-date information. Their website confirms, “Researchers are conducting studies to find new interventions and treatments that can prevent Alzheimer’s, diagnose the disease earlier, slow its progression or stop it in its tracks.”

If you or your loved one needs information, advice and support from trained and knowledgeable staff, you can call the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline at 1-800-272-3900.

Here in Whatcom County, Take My Hand At-Home Care’s licensed caregivers provide memory care services that help seniors live in the comfort of their own homes in Lynden, Bellingham, Ferndale, Blaine, Everson, Nooksack, Sumas, and Birch Bay.

As a family caregiver, do you take time for self-care?

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You know how important it is to care for your loved one, to make sure the right medications are taken on time, meals are nutritious, bedding is clean, and the list goes on.

Yet, do you also realize how important it is to take care of yourself — the caregiver?

Caregiving for a loved one at home is often a labor of love that can be filled with special and tender moments. Yet many family caregivers do not receive much acknowledgement or help.

Whether you’re taking care of your aging mom or dad, husband or wife, or another loved one, it’s important to notice your own signs of needing a break. Caregivers can experience caregiver burnout, stress, depression, high blood pressure and more.

Even feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment can build and undermine your health and the relationship with your loved one. When caring for a spouse, often the relationship has changed from sharing experiences, joys, and intimacy with a lifelong companion to taking care of someone who may need constant care.

The bond of marriage is strong and sometimes pride can get in the way of spouse caregivers asking for help as they remember their commitment, “I stood before God and said my vows. I will care for my husband.”

The Family Caregiver Alliance addresses challenges and considerations specific to caregivers caring for their spouse, including emotional impacts, physical challenges and social considerations.

Elderly gentleman watching a game of bocce on an outdoor court.

Have you considered who would take care of your loved one if something happened to you?

It happens all too often that family caregivers are so focused on the needs of their loved one that they neglect their own needs. Even when caregiving comes from a loving place and is rewarding, it can still be stressful and demanding. It’s important to take care of your own health – physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Make sure there is time to:

  • Reflect, breathe, meditate
  • Exercise and be outside
  • Eat right
  • Stay in touch with other family and friends
  • Do things that feed and nourish you, that keep you excited about life

It’s valuable to have support, to share the burden and care. Not only will some steady, consistent time off nourish your well-being, it will allow you to come back refreshed as you continue to care for your loved one.

You are not alone. Our caregivers at Take My Hand At-Home Care are specially trained to offer the type of care that is needed for your loved one in Whatcom County, whether it be companionship, assistance with shopping, preparing meals, monitoring medications, or help with personal care. We can give family caregivers in Lynden, Bellingham, Ferndale and beyond a much-needed break, some important and well-deserved time off.

Tips for recognizing and preventing pressure sores

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Elderly person walks with the help of a walker.We all know how uncomfortable it is to sit or lie in one position for a long time.

For those who have limited ability to change positions or are confined to a bed or wheelchair, not only is it uncomfortable, it can cause pressure sores from prolonged pressure on the skin, which limits blood flow to the skin, depriving it of nutrients and oxygen. Pressure sores can be serious, but they can be prevented with just a little extra care and attention.

This kind of damage to the skin is also referred to as a bed sore or pressure ulcer and most often occurs on skin that covers bony areas of the body, such as:

  • Heels
  • Ankles
  • Hips
  • Tailbone
  • Shoulder blades and spine
  • Back or sides of the head for someone who is bedridden

Not only are pressure sores painful, they can be serious and require medical attention. It’s important to keep an eye out for areas on the skin that are showing signs of redness, tenderness, swelling and other types of irritation.

The Mayo Clinic lists these symptoms and warning signs of pressure ulcers:

  • Unusual changes in skin color or texture
  • Swelling
  • An area of skin that feels cooler or warmer to the touch than other areas
  • Tender areas

Pressure sores can develop quickly, and since they respond best to treatment when detected early, it’s important to check for sores daily and focus on prevention, especially with elderly individuals who may be aging in place at home.

Tips for helping loved ones prevent pressure sores:

  • Ensure someone is available to help your mom or dad shift weight frequently and change positions every hour or two.
  • Keep skin clean and dry. Moisture is a common culprit. Use mild soap and a soft cloth.
  • Be aware that buttons, zippers, and even folds in clothing or bedding can cause skin irritation.
  • Make sure they eat nutritious foods and drink plenty of fluids.
  • Take appropriate daily exercise. This might mean going for a walk, or something as simple as range of motion exercises such as lifting an arm and holding it up for a few moments.
  • Use pillows. Pillows can help prevent bed sores by being placed between parts of the body that press against each other — such as between the legs when lying on their side, or for cushioning under the tailbone, heels or elbows.

Caregivers at Take My Hand At-Home Care can help your parent or grandparent stay safe by proactively working to prevent pressure sores. At-home caregivers can help monitor skin conditions and treat early-onset bed sores before they become too serious. The awareness and care that we provide can help your loved one shift positions, get up and get moving, eat regularly and stay hydrated, clean and comfortable.

To learn more about the symptoms, causes, risk factors, complications and prevention of pressure sores, visit the Mayo Clinic website.

Our caregiver and home companion service is a locally owned and operated eldercare provider helping seniors in Whatcom County continue to live at home safely. If you would like more information about hiring help at home for an aging family member, and how we can help care for your loved one, contact Take My Hand At-Home Care.

Today, prepare for tomorrow’s healthcare decisions

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Planning ahead isn’t always an easy task. But it’s almost always an important one.

When it comes to making preparations for caring for your aging loved ones — or yourself, for that matter — the sooner you get started, the better. National Healthcare Decisions Day is coming up on April 16, so let that be a motivator for you to begin the process of planning for old age.

The first step in the preparation process is to make yourself aware of the various options available for eldercare.

At-home care: It should be no secret that we at Take My Hand At-Home Care are big fans of care that takes place in the comfort of home. Every single time our caregivers step foot in a client’s home, we see the immense value of care that takes place in a familiar environment. For starters, at-home care can be less expensive than living full-time in a long-term care or assisted-living facility. Aging in place also can allow for greater comfort and flexibility, both for the elderly and for their loved ones. The National Institutes of Health has wonderful tips for growing old at home, including tips on meals, money management and getting around.

Regular or occasional support from a licensed and insured caregiver can help the elderly stay in the comfort of home while alleviating some common worries, such as how they’ll shop for groceries, get to doctor’s appointments or even get dressed. TMH caregivers can help with all of that and more, and it’s a wonderful option for those who want long-term care at home in the comfort of familiar surroundings.

Assisted living and long-term care: When staying at home is not an option, for health or other reasons, long-term care away from the home remains a good option. One thing that Take My Hand At-Home Care always tries to do in our free, in-home consultations is offer advice for what seems like the best level of care. We do offer 24-hour care, but in situations where TMH is not able to help, we try to recommend alternative options, such as long-term care in a separate facility. If you’re curious what might be the best option for you or for an aging loved one, feel free to set up a complementary home consultation with Take My Hand.

As you’re thinking about this topic, you might want to reach out to other local services that provide assistance to the elderly. Whatcom County is home to numerous wonderful resources.

Has your loved one been socially isolated this winter? It’s time to get out.

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Spring is almost here.

Given the wet, cold winters we have in the Pacific Northwest, it’s common for the elderly — for all people, really — to hibernate through the winter, staying inside where it’s warm and dry.

For the elderly, staying at home through the colder months can mean being isolated from friends and family. Social isolation is unhealthy; in fact, it’s a risk factor for depression among older adults, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

To be honest, sitting at home alone for too long can lead to negative consequences for both mind and body. Maybe your loved ones are stewing over the idea that “my kids never come see me.” Perhaps they overthink about aches and pains. The New York Times even recently reported that loneliness may be a preclinical sign for Alzheimer’s disease. And not only that, isolation also may be linked to decreasing ability to care for oneself. Consider this statement:

“Among older people who reported they felt left out, isolated or lacked companionship, the ability to perform daily activities like bathing, grooming and preparing meals declined and deaths increased over a six-year study period relative to people who reported none of these feelings.”

Who needs that? Instead, let’s let the spring sun melt away your loved one’s winter doldrums. Encourage them to get up, get out and have some fun this spring.

With the warming weather, there’s never been a better time to encourage your elderly loved ones to get out of the house and out into the world. Take them for a walk through Whatcom County’s gorgeous scenery — maybe to Hovander Homestead Park or along the Bay to Baker trail into downtown Everson. Help them run errands to Haggen or Hoagland’s. Take them to see a movie at the Pickford or to reminisce about rotary telephones at SPARK Museum of Electrical Invention. Whatcom County is packed with fun things to see and do!

If you need any assistance getting your loved one out and about — or even encouraging them to leave the house — please feel free to give Take My Hand At Home Care a call. Our licensed and qualified nurses are experts in caring for the elderly throughout Whatcom County, and we’d be happy to help.

 

Four ways to say ‘I love you’ to the elderly

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Search Pinterest for quotes about love, and you’re likely to come across some version of the following statement: “There are a million ways of saying ‘I love you’: ‘Watch your step.’ ‘Get some rest.’ ‘Put your seatbelt on.’”

It’s true; there are myriad ways of showing your loved ones exactly how much you care. With that in mind, we thought it would be nice — it is the month of love, after all — to offer a few ways of saying “I love you” to the elderly in your life.

Essentially, they all come down to one thing: time. When it comes to gifts, physical presents typically aren’t ideal — they often just clutter up the home. Instead of things, here are some time-based gifts you can share with the elderly in your life:

Cook and serve a meal. More even than the food, which itself can make a large impact, the benefit to cooking and serving a meal to an elderly loved one is that you simply took the time to do it. Loved ones will enjoy spending time with you as they try out a new dish or enjoy an old favorite. After the meal, be sure to clean up and wash the dishes!

Look through old photos together and chat about memories. Once you’ve done this, you’ll probably be asking yourself why you haven’t done it more often.

These reminisce-and-gab sessions can be a treasure, and they’ll probably also lead to stories you’ve never heard before about family history.

Take them for a walk and/or help them run errands. Let’s face it: Moving around gets harder the older we get. Without someone to help, we can lose trust in our ability to walk without falling. Helping loved ones enjoy the great outdoors — and maybe accomplish a few tasks while they’re at it, like picking up a prescription or buying groceries — can really make their week. Give it a chance, and it’ll probably make yours, too!

Set up a complimentary in-home assessment with a licensed caregiver. A no-obligation, completely free consultation with an at-home care provider like Take My Hand At Home Care can help loved ones discover areas to make life more enjoyable. A typical assessment will cover a number of topics, including:

  • Home safety: Is the home safe for your loved one to age in place?
  • Daily routines: What does your loved one like to do on a daily basis, and what are his or her personal preferences? What are your loved one’s personal background, interests, family and hobbies?
  • Medical needs: What medications are being taken, and what other medical information is important? Does your loved one need assistance with doctor visits?
  • Service cost: What is the cost of at-home care services, and what insurance will cover it?

For more information, contact the licensed caregivers at Take My Hand At Home Care in Lynden.

 

When you’re healthy but your spouse isn’t, here’s how to cope

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 60 percent of Americans live with a chronic disease, such as heart disease, cancer, stroke or diabetes. Given those percentages, there inevitably are a great many “well spouses” who are caring for a sick person daily. When you’re the spouse who isn’t ill, how do you cope with the challenges while protecting your own health? Providing care for a … [Read More...]

ABOUT US

Sue Sorensen became involved with Whatcom County eldercare and aging-in-place services in 2009. She launched Take My Hand At-Home Care in January 2012 … Read More...

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Phone: 360-543-5777
Fax: 360-255-7564
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