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How to help widowers connect with others and find new purpose in life

February 12, 2020 By Take My Hand At-Home Care

Elderly man in a sailboat on the water

Imagine one day losing the spouse you’ve had for decades.

Having lived with the same person for most of your life, the loss would be phenomenal. Not only would you lose the love of your life, you’d also need to start doing everything on your own — cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, visiting the doctor… the list goes on.

Elderly man in a jacket sitting and looking at the camera

You’d also lose a social connection and a major reason to stay involved with others in your community. Without your spouse at your side, you’d be less likely to attend events, go out for meals and travel.

Here at Take My Hand At-Home Care, we have come across numerous situations just like this. Losing a spouse later in life happens quite frequently to senior citizens in the Whatcom County community.

Not only must widows or widowers deal with the loss of a loved one, but they also must cope with major lifestyle changes. They lose the person with whom they used to watch TV or go on walks. They lose the person who used to remind them to take their medications; they lose the person who used to help them plan fun things to do. They lose their social connections.

These are all real consequences of losing a long-time partner, and the effects can be drastic.

Loneliness after the death of a spouse

According to the National Institute on Aging, social isolation and loneliness are linked to increased risks for high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease and even death.

“Losing a sense of connection and community changes a person’s perception of the world,” according to the NIA. And it’s not just perception. Biological defense mechanisms are activated in those who experience chronic loneliness because they feel threatened and mistrustful.

While older women are more likely than men to report being lonely, the effects of loneliness can be more drastic in older men, who are more likely than women to be depressed and suicidal when lonely, according to a recent study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health.

How to help people stay connected to life after loss

What can change someone’s outlook after loss?

Being social provides an enormous benefit, as does having another person around to provide support and motivation or to offer assistance with daily tasks of living. In particular, men benefit from having purpose in life, according to the AJMH study, which notes that improvements in mental health and purpose in life can help reduce loneliness — and thus reduce many of its negative consequences — in older men.

Elderly man taking photos outdoors, with mountains in the background

Pursuing hobbies and other passions is one great option for combating the consequences of loneliness. Joining a senior center, too, can help the elderly make new friends and find new hobbies. Those who have experienced recent loss might also benefit from having their family and friends take them to activities and events, or even just pick up the phone and invite them to dinner.

Filed Under: Caregiving, Elder loneliness, Local senior citizen events, Resources for senior citizens Tagged With: elder loneliness, social activities, social isolation in senior citizens

Caring for a loved one with dementia

September 6, 2017 By Take My Hand At-Home Care

“Please remember the real me when I cannot remember you.”

This quote, sometimes referred to as the dementia creed, speaks to the pain experienced by those on both sides of a relationship with dementia. As memories fade from the minds of the elderly, they experience the loss of those they’ve loved. Meanwhile, their family caregivers do their best to look beyond the disease to the person they’ve known and loved for decades.

Nearly 16 million people in the United States are caring for a family member with dementia, according to figures from the Alzheimer’s Association. It often can seem like a lonely and overwhelming job, but help is always available.

Here are a few tips for coping with daily life as an adult family caregiver of an individual with Alzheimer’s or some other form of memory loss:

Start by learning as much as you can about dementia. Knowing about the details of the disease can help you make sense of the changes that are happening to your loved one. One great way to educate yourself is by attending the Alzheimer Society of Washington’s fall conference on Oct. 13, 2017. This year, the theme is “the changing brain.”

Be realistic about what you can and can’t do. If you’ve had children, try to remember what it was like for those first few years (well, all of them, really). Try as you did, you weren’t a perfect parent, and nor were your kids little angels. When dealing with dementia, know that there will be bad days and good days. Don’t beat yourself up if either of you struggles.

Communicate simply, clearly and positively. Starting with a smile and positive disposition can change the entire tenor of a conversation. Speak simply, with short sentences, and don’t ask complex or open-ended questions.

Love who your loved one is. Yearning for the return of the good old days can lead to dissatisfaction and depression. Instead of wishing that your loved one was like he or she was several decades ago, mourn the loss and meet your loved one in the present. Many caregivers avoid this step because it seems like such a loss. It’s true; it is a loss, and recognizing that can help you move on.

Use technology to your advantage. A number of recent tech innovations have made it easier to know that your loved one can be located should he or she wander off. The Alzheimer Society of Washington uses Project Lifesaver, which outfits those who are prone to wander with a bracelet that emits a special radio frequency, allowing them to be located by first responders in an emergency. The bracelets are free, but the service costs $15 per month for batteries and changing. Other options:

  • Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return, which partners with MedicAlert to provide a 24-hour, nationwide emergency response service.
  • MindMe is a GPS personal alarm that also comes with 24-hour emergency service.
  • Instead of being worn like a watch or pendant, the GPS SmartSole fits into a shoe; like other GPS devices for wanderers, it allows the wearer to be tracked from a computer or smartphone.

Seek assistance when needed. Call on family members to provide companionship and other help whenever possible. Join a caregiver support group to seek the advice and solace of others in your shoes. Hire a part-time caregiver to give you regular (even overnight) respite. Take My Hand At-Home Care is a locally owned and operated eldercare provider with years of experience caring for older adults with dementia in Whatcom County.

Filed Under: Aging in place, Caregiving, Long-term care, Memory loss, Resources for caregivers, Resources for senior citizens Tagged With: Alzheimer Society of WA, at-home care, Dementia Resources, hiring a caregiver, in-home caregiver, Long-term care Whatcom County, Lynden eldercare, memory loss, resources for caregivers, social isolation in senior citizens, Whatcom County elder care, Whatcom County Eldercare, Whatcom County senior citizens, where to get after hours care for seniors

Prevent social isolation with these three tips

December 2, 2015 By Take My Hand At-Home Care

Feelings of social isolation and loneliness can be a problem at any age, but those feelings can occur more often as people grow older.

The National Council on Aging estimates that one in six seniors face the risks of
feeling isolation and its repercussions, and that older woman
are at higher risk, representing over 60 percent of isolated older adults.

Jodi and Agnes August 2015For older adults the onset of loneliness can happen gradually, sometimes preceded by specific life events like retirement, the loss of a loved one, a change in driving privileges, or family members moving away. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Aging in place, Caregiving, Elder loneliness, Resources for caregivers Tagged With: Aging-In-Place, Blaine caregivers, Caregiver Burnout, Everson caregivers, Lynden Caregivers, resources for caregivers, social isolation in senior citizens, Whatcom County Eldercare

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